I was inspired to write this article after a client confessed that she sometimes did not know how to answer when asked by others, “what do you do?” As we talked, she understood that yes, she often compared herself to others and what they told her that they did. In fact she often felt “less than” and “lacking” in these exchanges and none of this made her feel good. It had been this way for a long time.
We looked at her life and I reminded her that her husband who had lately retired had been so successful because of the ways she had always been there for him. In fact, without her total support and care, it’s quite possible that he would not have done as well as he did. Interestingly, one of the biggest ways that she had always been there for him was to let him be “the boss” in many aspects of their life together. He had gotten very used to this and therefore he very easily fulfilled the role of “boss” at the office and at work.
This petite mild mannered lady started to see just how very much she had put her husband first and also to realize that now he was retired and at home much more of the time, the dynamics in their relationship needed to be re-looked at and re-negotiated… There could no longer be just one “boss”…
This is not the first time that I have heard people say this when people ask them what they do. Many people feel at a loss and “less than” in one way or another. Yet when we actually look at ourselves and our lives more closely, we see that we do each wear many different hats and are busy doing many things, in many ways and on many levels. For example, we speak, we listen, we plan, we learn, we experience and we are…
Perhaps the most that we each bring to this, our life, is ourselves! Even if we think we are not “open” we are… In a myriad of different ways, in each and every moment… In fact, even if we never ever did anything but just “be”, the fact that we exist in this world, that we have chosen to show up, is profound. We do continue to make a difference, to affect, to create and to change things… To add to them and also to take away…
I also meet many people who ask “Why am I here?”, “What is my job or my purpose?”… Does this sound like you?
Yes, we do have a purpose. We may have several… A purpose for ourselves, a purpose for others and for humanity… So often people however become afraid that they may miss the point, their purpose… That life will be wasted, that they will somehow not do what they were “supposed” to do.
For sure we are here to love. To love is to be open. This can seem difficult when we have been hurt before or been judged by others or worse still judged by ourselves. Yet it feels great to love and it feels great to be loved, so don’t give up on love.
There are lots of people who would like to do nothing. It may be a dream, a fantasy, a much sought out and yet elusive goal… We work, we plan, we dream and we scheme for the day when we can have the time in our lives to do nothing… In truth, for some of us, that day may never come… So it is better not to wait for the right time but instead “take the time now”, even in moments, to do “nothing”.
It also happens that some of us are so busy, appearing to do so many things, and yet what are we actually really getting done? It could be that when we blame ourselves for this, we simply do not have an understanding yet of what is really going on, that we are actually “busy doing nothing”… This is the way that some of us manage to find the time and make the time for ourselves to do nothing! We can in this way do “nothing” without judgment from ourselves or others because we appear to be so very busy. As we develop our own awareness of ourselves, life and what we are really doing, as we find out how things really work, we will see that we can be much happier in our acceptance, understanding and indeed celebration of “doing nothing”!
Meanwhile, it’s important to know that “doing nothing” is important. “Doing nothing” is a need which we each have and which does have to be fulfilled and is in fact a very productive experience… Life does continue to be great and good and “nothing” is ever, only as it seems…
