Why do we attract and then choose to stay in poor relationships?

Are you happy with yourself? With your life? Are you happy with your relationship? Or are you after all just going along with things and making do, even being grateful for the little that you actually have?

If you are a true romantic, and dream of true love but wonder if it actually exists then its time to look at true love and perfect love from another point of view.

Here is a different point of view, you are perfect, you have never made a mistake in your whole life, in fact you do know what you are doing all of the time, you create your own reality and if theres even one single part of your partner or of the relationship that you dont like or even hate, you simply havent created your best creation yet. So in essence the answer is either move on or better what you have already created.

I have always known that if you put any one man and woman or for that matter if you are not heterosexual two men or two women on a desert island with no possible means of escape that those two people could over a period of time have the ultimate perfect relationship.
Think about that besides taking care of basic survival needs there would be nothing else to do except work through differences blocks and obstacles between you and get things right.

What it takes
In my opinion great /perfect relationships are possible with awareness communication plenty of self love and a real willingness to be honest with ones self and the other person involved. It takes a lot of work to have a great relationship yet it could turn out being perfect but perhaps not the perfect that you thought perfect meant or would be.

One of the biggest problems I see in relationships is two people coming together who dont yet truly know themselves and havent yet dealt with their own stuff and yes it seems that we all do have stuff to deal with, all those past hurts disappointments, pains, wounds and fears.
Interestingly we do seem to choose partners who show us in one way or another above all what we most need to deal with in ourselves.

Unfulfilled Needs
After for working many years with both singles ,couples and indeed through my won relationships, I see that a classic mistake that most people make is that we each go into a relationship hoping or believing on some level that this other person will make us happy and or fulfill our needs.
It also seems that we human beings love to love and we love to make other people happy.
Self first.

Its very important to find and accept happiness within ourselves and to fulfill our own needs vs. relying on someone else or hoping that someone else will take care of those things for us.
We may have heard those words many times and yet few of us accept and take on the job of loving and caring for ourselves and fulfilling our own needs, in fact the reality of doing that is quite alien to us, its human nature to take care of everyone else first.

What happens?
If we dont find happiness within ourselves of fulfill our own needs either before or during a relationship we will always be disappointed and simply continue to move from one relationship to another and yet never find exactly what we are truly looking for.

Relationships end because one or even both partners reach a place within themselves or reach an issue that they refuse to deal with change resolve or move beyond.
A partner will even sacrifice the happiness of the other, the one they think they truly love vs. being honest with themselves and dealing with the situation or issue.

There have been many good books and articles written already relating and relationships, it is a subject so vast and covers so many aspects and facets of human nature that in this short article I would like to simply focus on answering the question Why do we attract and stay with poor relationships?

Because we dont love ourselves enough, simply we dont care about ourselves often enough to give ourselves often enough what we want and need, so accepting very little or not enough from others is also acceptable or becomes tolerable to us, even when we dont like it, wonder about it, or know that we shouldnt be going along with it we find countless arguments and justifications to accept and stay in a poor relationship. We even reason that a poor relationship is better than no relationship, and at least we have someone there. We totally forget that we can be there for ourselves and that there will always be endless people out there for us. We attracted and created what we have now so we can always attract and create better.

Tips for creating a perfect relationship
An important relationship to have and to accept is the understanding that no one else is you No one will love you in all the ways that you love and want to be loved, although it may not seem like this at the beginning of a new relationship.

Fulfill your own needs start by making a list of all that you want or need from another person, keep it as simple and in as few words as possible.
Next start finding ways to give yourself all of those want needs that you have listed on a regular basis.
YES you can do this in fact it will be easier than you think, giving yourself just needs to become a habit.

Look often at your partner as if you dont know them at all as if you are seeing them for the very first time; observe who and what are they really? Who or what are you really relating to in and about them? What does all of this tell you?
Practice and learn to be totally there in the moment, whatever the moment is, do this with yourself with a partner and with others.

Why else do we stay with poor even abusive relationships?
Because we are not only used to abuse from others but we actually in many different ways abuse ourselves, so abuse has become normal to us.
We stay in a poor relationship because it may seem to be the best that we had so far, or much better than the last one, however still this does not make everything allright, and it is still not the perfect relationship that we dream off.

A funny way
Heres a funny way perhaps to see what I am talking about, imagine that just like grading tomatoes and apples we can grade people and relationships. So you may have already met and been with different people from grade D so now that you are on a relationship with grade C and you may be feeling lucky and that this is it despite the things that are not all right or perfect about it.
However hold on there is still grade B and A people and relationships out there. Waiting for you to meet and connect with, you simply need to make the choice to do so.

We can create and have perfect in our lives the perfect relationship does exist , but we have to be prepared to create the perfect and then even possibly do a little work on that, because our idea of perfect changes.
As far as happiness goes and true love? Yes the sky is the limit and yes you can have it all but only when you stop settling for less..

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