• Do you find yourself attracting men into your life who at first seem sensitive and kind, yet later turn into albatrosses that weigh you down as you carry them through life?
• Do you respond to the hurt wounded little boy in men, because they make you feel needed and in control?
• Do you keep attracting those bad boys types that refuse to grow up?
• Have you found yourself wondering what happened to your love? You know you are living in a relationship; there are two toothbrushes in the bathroom. Yet it feels like it's all down to you and you know essentially you are living alone.

We women are strange creatures. We want it all; we dream of love, strength, passion and power in our mates. When we first meet them, we love them for who they are. Yet somewhere along the way, we give them our all, loose sight of our own power and then try to change them when the going gets tough.

Looking into the situation a little more closely, today's experts mostly agree that mothers and sons are still stuck in old negative myths.

Boys at a young age for example are generally very loving and protective towards their mother. They enjoy a strong deep bond and yet society quickly dictates that growing boys are supposed to naturally separate from their mother. By the ages of between 6 and 8 year-old, boys are traditionally taught to no longer cry or express their sadness and fears. Mothers meanwhile are told that if they respond to such emotions in their sons beyond a certain age, they are holding them back and even subjecting them to being labeled "sissy" or "mother's boy". Obviously then the relationship between mothers and sons can be a difficult one to work through and keep balance in, as often neither mother nor son are entirely sure where and how they should stand on matters of the giving and displaying of love, affection and emotions.

Women spot the hurt, sad, angry and wounded little boy in a grown man with remarkable speed and often respond with compassion and empathy. The situation can quickly become imbalanced however and sadly those same women may be heard to remark later, "it's like having another child". It's a fact too that men often look for and find mothers in their wives especially after their wife becomes a mother herself. Often those men then loose sexual interest in their women because they cannot see their wives as lovers but mothers of their children and after all generally men do not feel sexually attracted to their own mother.

What can we do as women? How can we exit the loop? It's clear that the first thing to do for ourselves is to pinpoint whether we are loving or mothering our man. Read on and find out for yourself.

1. Are you doing all the cooking, washing, and cleaning in your household to the point that your man would find it hard to look after himself alone for a week? Does he call you "Mother"? If yes, you are mothering your man.
2. Be honest, do you often fake orgasm during sex and tell him he's great in bed, even though your needs are not being met. Once again, if the answer is yes, you are mothering your man.
3. Do you make excuses for him to your friends and family when he behaves in unacceptable ways, or hurts and insults you in front of others? You're mothering him, and in this case you're holding him back, not helping him to grow. Worse still, you are putting yourself second and on the way to loosing self-respect.
4. Do you agree with most of what he says and does to keep the peace or because you are afraid of loosing his love, not wanting to rock the boat? This is a case of extreme negative mothering.
5. Do you take on most of the responsibility around the house and in your life together protecting him from possible painful experiences, choices and feelings? If so, it's clear that you are mothering your man and your little boy has no room to grow.
6. Do you stand by as he self medicates with the use of alcohol or legal or illegal drugs rather than face his issues? This is a dangerous form of mothering where no one wins in the long term.
7. Are you helping him stay physically sick rather than empowering him to get well because you need to feel needed and you are afraid that, if he is his best self, he might move on without you? If the answer is yes, you are mothering him.
8. Do you join him with his "us against the world" routine and support his belief that everyone else is wrong but him? Another form of mothering is happening here. Little boys need to grow, share and love and be capable of relating as social beings.
9. Are you holding back from real intimacy by refusing to let him see your true vulnerabilities and not allowing him to be the strong one who takes care of you sometimes? If so, you are mothering him.
10. Do you hold yourself back from standing in your full power and true light because you want to protect him from his own feeling of inadequacy? This is another form of negative mothering and another no win situation.

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, it's time to move on. Just remember to step back, tune in and stay in touch with yourself and your situation. A little mothering with clear intentions is a valuable thing, but if it's being used as an avoidance of facing real issues, then it's time once again to ask clearly yourself: are you mothering or loving your man?

Petrene Soames is the author of The Essence of Self-Healing: How to bring health and happiness into your life (FleetStreet Publications - March 2001). She is a leading authority in healing and self-awareness, an inspirational speaker, a veteran television and radio guest featured in national and international press. She has worked successfully over the past 22 years as a consultant and therapist, helping others achieve their highest potential. Visit her web site at http://Timeismine.com or call (281) 363-9983.

To order your own autographed copy today of The Essence of Self-Healing and receive a free set of The Power of Positive Thoughts Cards, go to http://timeismine.com/ordernow.html or call 281-363-9983

Upcoming Workshop

2. What makes a great mom? by Petrene Soames

Mothers' Day was just a few days ago, that special day of the year when we celebrate the woman who gave us life and thank her for all that she is and all that she does. Of course we have other mothers in our lives too and Mothers' Day is not limited to our birth mother, but includes our adopted mother, grandmothers, and all those women who mother the motherless everywhere.

In this country it's traditional to buy mothers' gifts of chocolate, flowers or those other special presents and treats we know they love. Men get involved in a big way. They buy and send more cards to celebrate Mothers' Day than any other day of the year. Some of us treat our mothers to breakfast in bed, or take them out to lunch or dinner. In most families we try to give our mothers a day off, a day just for them to be appreciated, rested and loved. By giving mothers a day off in someway we are recognizing that mothering is a full time job, a vocation, one that without balance can be all consuming. Perhaps we, as mothers, need to look even more closely at just what does being a mother mean to us. Without a doubt, we will be happier mothers and more fulfilled as individuals if we don't allow ourselves to get lost or overwhelmed in the state of motherhood.

Some historians claim that the predecessor of the modern Mother's Day celebration was the ancient Spring festivals dedicated to mother goddesses. In Ancient Rome the most significant Mothers' Day like festival was dedicated to the worship of Cybele, a mother goddess, 250 years before the birth of Christ. In England, mothering Sunday, also called Mid-Lent Sunday, was adopted by the early church to honor Mary, the mother of Christ. In the early 1600's young men and women who were apprentices or servants were given Mothering Sunday off to go home and visit their mothers and families. Mothering Sunday was a much looked forward to holiday. It was traditional then to bring the mother gifts such as hand picked flowers, a special sweet cake, or perhaps a piece of lace. In the United States, Anna M. Jaruis (1864-1948) is the person credited with the origination of our present Mothers' Day celebration. Anna never married or had children, but she was extremely attached to her mother who died the second Sunday in May, 1905. Two years later, Anna still missed her dreadfully and started to campaign with friends by writing over 10,000 letters to government leaders, clergymen and other prominent members of society expressing her desire for a special day set aside to honor mothers. Anna triumphed and in 1914, President Wilson announced that Congress had passed legislation to make Mothers' Day a National holiday. Today we are still enjoying the celebration of mothers, a direct legacy left to us by Anna and her deep devotion to her own mother.

What makes a great mother?
What makes a great mother is the age-old question that still remains. Who can truly answer it? There will always be different opinions and interpretations. Some people say that good mothers are born. Others say that good mothering grows with us, or we get better at it along the way. At the end of the day, no matter how many books we read about mothering and parenting, being a good mother is a matter of trial and error and the state of being is one of constant change and flux. It can be said that most of us as mothers do our best and we each have our own different ways of being a good mother. After asking many different people from all walks of life, here are the top ten most frequent aspects that seem to make a great mom:

1. She knows that age does not always mean wisdom. She admits that her child has valid points too and that by listening she can always learn something.
2. She is someone to whom you can talk about absolutely anything without being judged.
3. She loves her children unconditionally, yet at the same time knows when to and is capable of saying no.
4. She is fulfilled in other areas of her life. She has balance and doesn't base her life's experience and life's work on only being a mother.
5. She can adapt and accept change with the times and still be there for you in the ways that you need whether you are 4 or 40 years old.
6. She can share you and offer an open heart and mind welcome to your friends, lover and later husband or wife.
7. She is willing to get involved with you when you want and need, and yet she gives you space when you don't without taking it personally.
8. She expects the best from you in all situations, trusts that you are capable of handling things in a wise and sensible way. She doesn't personally blame herself when you mess up, but is ready to help you see what went wrong.
9. She gives you an incredible gift when she brings as much safety and security to your life as possible, but above all teaches you from an early age that real safety and security is within yourself and encourages you to find and accept it.
10. She allows you to learn from her by being open and honest about who she is, beauty, flaws and everything in between.

Remember, being a great mother is sometimes about living life out of the box and maybe beyond the basic concepts of being there with warm milk and perfect cookies at the end of the school day. Meanwhile, a very happy Mothers' Day to mothers everywhere.

Interesting web sites about vegetarianism:

• http://www.peta-online.org/ [People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals]
• http://www.vegweb.com/ [Veggies Unite! - Lots of free recipes]
• http://petrene.com/articles/vegetarian.htm "To be or not to be a vegetarian" by Petrene Soames.

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